Many local librarians know me on a first name basis. Katrina Perkins Admittedly, I currently have as many books checked out as I have years to this Life’s experience.  Times past I would visit the “discount chain” store and impulsively purchase items.  These days, an impulse strikes me to learn about a subject (finance, speak French, meditate) or a specific book comes on my radar (a book club, movie soon-to-be/in production based on a book, or referenced in yet another book) and immediately I logon, sign-in, search the on-line directory and submit a request for pick-up at my nearby repository.  The New York library system is unrivaled, and gratitude saturates my existence to reside in a world wealthy in easy accessing of books, movies, and music.

Last year was particularly strengthening, in parts because within six months I divorced from a relationship spanning half my life and my Dad died.  Listening to CDs of chanting monks, Ayurvedic Sutras, and spiritual teachings checked out from the library became my salvation.  Calmed, perked, and inspired- I was reminded Life gives no more than can be consumed and to surrender to this blessing.  There was a moment, I believed I may very well be on the brink of  insanity- feeling so much ripped from my gut- in a state of not knowing anything, including how to sleep alone in a strange space alone.  I felt completely crumbled, and yet, still, undeniably uplifted.  When, acquiescing to the truth that only sane people have the where-with-all to contemplate such an inquiry as lucidity, a hope and appreciation for what I was previously blind to created a bravery I had not known to be possessed.

Many beautiful, fulfilling, inspired relationships and opportunities have come into Life.  Allowing myself to become open to them, thankful for each “wrong turn” fore the scenic route takes me on a drive past the lake I never saw.  Before, I felt myself to be alone- my mother is not one to speak frankly with, and as an only child mostly growing-up friendships are few, but flourishing.  Now, I respect “No man is an island” though occasionally forgotten in ego-ick-feelings.

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