Archives for posts with tag: acceptance

Katrina PerkinsAfter writing the entire blog, uploading a photo, and clicking ‘insert into post’ … POOF! away went the words and ugh, and now … about what am I to communicate?  Knowing, from previous akin events that for safety, I should have typed all this up in a document and finally pasted it in: I feel a fool. One easily frustrated at that, who then quickly closes the window [sigh] completely loosing any hope for ‘undo’. On the good side, you are all saved from reading a rant on iPhone vs. Android and the non-turn-on-able phone I have been with/out for the last week- Yeah, a whole week.  Considering this is my business lifeline, the freakout was considerable, at the start, especially because the contract is not up for renewal until I celebrate a birthday in 3.5 months, but then my marvelous mother [with the assist by my generous brother Austin] sent me a replacement battery.

Hallelujah to the Universe in all infinite energy!  Salvation has arrived [albeit three days later than scheduled thanks to the U.S. Post], but I am saved (from the shackle-less-ness-of-not-having-a-phone?)! Fingers crossed that this simple battery is the fix … and it was!  The Peace made and more easily maintained [surprise!] than expected throughout the past week’s stresses was immediately replaced with rapture for [WOOHOOOO!] once again being technologically linked instantaneously to every social connection . . . soon to be overwhelmed by the belabored, immediate influx of the finally received texts, emails, WordPress updates, oi Oi OI!  It was so funny going back to sending emails and remembering a time, not so long ago, when email was the quick way to connect, now replaced by the [sometimes] most rapid text message.

I am grateful to be back in business, and cannot believe the week has passed.  It was rather quiet 🙂 and that was nice for a change. However, back to the complete beck-and-call availability to all, casting, manager, and agent alike.  Thank you for the moment of/and return from technological solitude.

Please do weigh in, if you have an opinion, on the iPhone vs. Android query.  I would love to read and learn more than research has revealed.

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p.s. 01:42 the next day = 21:42 the night before

SundanceOn-set, talking with others tends to be easy- the outgoing side of my nature shines, making people laugh and enjoy the energy brought instantly.  However, another part of my nature enjoys quiet time.  Thankfully, when I was blessed with a commercial (turned out to be with J.Lo for Verizon) the energizing upswing was in full force.  I wonder now, if the “diet” I was utilizing (a book by nutritionist Haylie Pomroy) helped push those hormones in the positive direction.  Please, forgive the tangent.

Point being, the commercial paired me with an adorably freckled boy, Cameron, who looked like he could have been my kid.  His actual mom and I hit it off, having a poignant conversation-exactly what my little self needed to hear that day.  (Love those moments in life when you realize what is happening is the best medicine for you, and, truth is every moment IS that best cure.)  Thanks to the guidance of BBR Productions: I offered an exchange of information- handing the lovely mom, Whitney, my business card and we ended up connecting through Facebook.  This was months ago, and yet this week she messaged me: “Hey!!! Can u call me right now!!!!! I might have huge audition for u now!!!!”  Well, with that many exclamation points, I did not delay.

Though I had just crossed the threshold, home from filming on “White Collar”, having woke long before sunrise, I eagerly called her. She told me about a new game-show, “The Million Second Quiz” with Ryan Seacrest, auditioning for a questioner. Her agent had gotten her this opportunity, but she could not commit to a 12 day stretch of 12 hour shifts because she has children.  Two o’clock nap-time postponed, I raced, running in three-inch-wedge-heels to catch the train before departure… then sat waiting as it pulled away from the platform a good three minutes late.  Alas, the important part is I made it, happily in the rain!  It is required for the questioner to have good diction, smooth reading, and to remain confident with unfamiliar words- not providing a “tell”, right or wrong, when reading the answer choices: I got the part.

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-One person’s sole job is wetting the sidewalk, over and over Birdmanand over again- all night for five plus hours to keep it wet and give that slick, reflecting light look the camera loves (technical term is a “wet down”).

-Another person’s duty is putting smoke in the air: more smoke, less smoke, walk it through the set or location, fan it because there’s too much, the haziness is overwhelming the scene.

-One man (sadly it is a male dominated business, but what isn’t) is on a crane with a big spot-light to simulate a helicopter flyover in the shot.

I have not even mentioned the director, the stunts co-ordinator, or the caterer.  The point is- that long list of “credits” at the end of every [big budget $300 million dollar budget] movie prove just how many creative collaborators are necessary to manifest the entertainment we all spend our money to escape into for a couple hours of unbelievable safe excitement.

These people are Living what they dream.  They simply do not last otherwise because the stress is so immense one must Love it to stay in this business of SHOW.  With so many cooks in the kitchen, havoc and head-butting are sure to abound.  And yet we choose to show-up and take more work opportunities because the thrill to be a part is so rewarding.

This week I learned a new title- staff assistant- a position responsible to the A.D.s (Assistant Director- no explanation necessary right, the title is pretty self-explanatory), of which there are three: the first A.D., the Second A.D. and the Second 2nd.  Usually, there are a handful of staff assistants to act as extra hands, eyes, mouths for the Assistant Directors.  One such ‘staff assistant’ informed me on a recent day of filming 180 staff assistants were on-hand for a huge location shoot requiring the shut-down of a large well-know New York street!  I live by the motto/sutra “Do unto others…” and there for am genuinely friendly and interested in most everyone on-set; one because I am so thankful and happy to be there and two we are all there to accomplish the same goal so LET US HAVE FUN!

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“A rose by any otherPhoto on 2013-05-19 at 15.46 name would smell as sweet” wisdom from a babe, implying how labels or judgements matter not. Certainly to Juliette- Romeo’s last name and their houses having a long-standing Hatfield vs. McCoy type family feud, made not her love for him more dim. Some people love … let us use … garlic, while others cannot stand it.  Personally, I relish the smell of fresh cut garlic the instant it hits heat, and the residual aroma left lingering on my fingers hours later, mmm mmmm yum yum yum.  If there ever were a true chance of becoming a vampire, final death via garlic consumption would inevitably be mine.  However, regardless of it’s all around deliciousness to me, more than the undead are repelled.

Born with inherent opinion, we know instinctively I do/do not like that color/smell/taste/knowledge/attitude/opinion/sound.  It is not something to be rationalized or convinced otherwise. Regardless of how healthy mushrooms are for me, I canNOT get past the texture. Reportedly, I use to consume them in mass quantities before I can remember, but as far as my recollection- ick, gross, nu-uh.  Such is the case with each of us, we may not be able to articulate here and now why or what we do or don’t care for, but we know how we feel in our gut. Though tastes may change, most likely it still will not be a conscious decision.

The visceral gut is the space from which great acting springs, where our spirit sings, or screams.  This impulse is antithetical to a contrived manipulation and rationalization of the head and ego demanding how we want others to behave or the scene to go. Living truthfully, embracing the serendipity of each moment, discovering, allowing it to be the rose it IS rather than wishing it morph to another within our control- such is life- struggle vs. acceptance: frustration or surrender.  Had Juliette attempted to deny her love, how would the story have gone?  She might have lived to old age, but she would have been an empty shell from renounced Love.  Give yourself permission to be audacious, to validate the quiet voice deserving perseverance.

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KindredSpirit has been generous to nominate me for the ‘WordPress Family’ Award!  With humility, I am honored wordpress-family-awardand appreciative to Scott.

The rules follow:

1. Display the award logo on your blog.

2. Link back to the person who nominated you.

3. Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your WordPress experience and family

4. Let your 10 Family members know you have awarded them

5. That is all folks. Please pick 10 people who have taken you as  a friend, and spread the love.

We are all kindred writing spirits, see what I did there KindredSpirit,  and if I don’t pick you this ten around, your commitment and loyalty remain on my radar for the next nomination!  Please trust we are all still the best of writing comrades!!

May I present, Katrina’s Tantalizing Ten:

1.  Alastair  a photo-fabulous perspective and supremely supportive

2.  BBRProductions  achieve your dreams because your Life IS your business

3.  John W. Howell  a reader who writes

4.  Ralph  honesty and integrity

5.  Rev Dani Lynn  morality and healing

6.  Laurie Buchanan  Tuesday’s are a treat with thoughtfulness

7.  IAmForChange  uplifting and poetic

8.  Miss Ayo Délé  the most colorful photos to make you smile

9.  Seyi Sandra David  a spark of inspiration

10. Make A Right Left Here .com -a motivated entertainer sharing positive motivation

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"Sex In the City" Prequel

“Sex In the City” Prequel

Being a “perfectionist” is a nice way of spinning a fear of letting go.  We all want things to be the best they can; all share a certain amount of control issues, whether claiming responsibility or shirking away, ultimately it is utter illusion.  When it comes down to doing something or not doing it, a fear of failing can create a fear of beginning.  An extremely knowledgable and generous company, BBR Productions, holds a FREE writing class locally on Long Island every Wednesday night.  Various “characters” attend- writers, actors, directors, girlfriends, introverts, extroverts, comedians – and most share, all become inspired to tackle walls and get the vision unique to each individual voice down on paper (or typed on a computer screen).  “Write everyday.”- That’s the class motto.

Writing, and beyond question some of you will concur, has always been clarifying and therapeutic.  Allowing another to read intimate thoughts drafted from one’s depths is terrifying.  Will they get it/How will they respond/Is it good?  Sharing truth is always good.  Waiting for ‘perfection’ is a mere excuse.  “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”- Hamlet would know, the whole play is basically him thinking out-loud.

Always, we will prove ourselves right – I’m fat/too short/old – stop thinking, and judging your worth (except in the event you are deciding kindly on your true deep value) : you are worthy because you are here.  Each choice we have made have made us– and anyone in our exact life situation with all our exact life experiences would choose the exact way we have.  Judgement of ourselves and fear of judgement from others, ingrained and reinforced since childhood, simply is simple, and silly.  We evolve, judgement and fear served us for a time and place of protection in infancy, however the moment to Let Go of naive trepidation is now.  We are grown, life has tested us and made us strong, and we continue to gain fortitude.  On that note, I am off for an hour of Yoga- my personal medicine to accept myself and others openly and with gratitude for their grace (and lack-there-of).  Foster Peace.

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For a third time, I will be playing a "Smash"‘costumer’ on the NBC show “Smash”.   This time I received a call from casting without even submitting for the role!  One can join casting websites, whether you belong to the Union or not, where casting directors post roles with type descriptions for current/upcoming projects. The first time I was contacted by this casting agency, I had been submitting for over a month on numerous parts.  Thankfully, the background casting company (Grant Wilfley) finally called to confirm my availability for the shoot date and tell me the necessary wardrobe to bring to set.  The soundstage was in Brooklyn, they were filming a baseball dance routine rehearsal; there was great catering, and it made me giggle to hear Anjelica Huston’s laugh at lunch.  

About five weeks ago, after submitting to another post for a ‘costumer’, casting called me again!  I was told wardrobe was “wear one/bring one”.  Simply put, they were getting more bang for their buck by using me twice (they do pay a little extra for a wardrobe change).  First up, I sat as an audience member in one outfit- had I truly been out for a night at the theater in late Fall (season specific, though it filmed in Winter).  This time filming was on-location at a gorgeous theater in Manhattan.  What a glorious day at work, being entertained by guest star Bernadette Peters singing and dancing in the episode’s on-stage routine at a historic vaudeville theater.

Picking me out in an audience wide-shot, or the back of my head as the camera flies toward the stage would be a challenge.  However, changing into my own all black wardrobe of a ‘costumer’, and an apron with some fabric swatches provided by the Props department, I stand on-stage with both Anjelica Huston and Bernadette Peters!  Despite not having any lines, it remains an immense thrill to be a part of a live set.  A phone call from casting today, to portray a costumer tomorrow, pleased me beyond words.  No post was there for which I submitted- I have made it to a short list- in a very good way.

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Many local librarians know me on a first name basis. Katrina Perkins Admittedly, I currently have as many books checked out as I have years to this Life’s experience.  Times past I would visit the “discount chain” store and impulsively purchase items.  These days, an impulse strikes me to learn about a subject (finance, speak French, meditate) or a specific book comes on my radar (a book club, movie soon-to-be/in production based on a book, or referenced in yet another book) and immediately I logon, sign-in, search the on-line directory and submit a request for pick-up at my nearby repository.  The New York library system is unrivaled, and gratitude saturates my existence to reside in a world wealthy in easy accessing of books, movies, and music.

Last year was particularly strengthening, in parts because within six months I divorced from a relationship spanning half my life and my Dad died.  Listening to CDs of chanting monks, Ayurvedic Sutras, and spiritual teachings checked out from the library became my salvation.  Calmed, perked, and inspired- I was reminded Life gives no more than can be consumed and to surrender to this blessing.  There was a moment, I believed I may very well be on the brink of  insanity- feeling so much ripped from my gut- in a state of not knowing anything, including how to sleep alone in a strange space alone.  I felt completely crumbled, and yet, still, undeniably uplifted.  When, acquiescing to the truth that only sane people have the where-with-all to contemplate such an inquiry as lucidity, a hope and appreciation for what I was previously blind to created a bravery I had not known to be possessed.

Many beautiful, fulfilling, inspired relationships and opportunities have come into Life.  Allowing myself to become open to them, thankful for each “wrong turn” fore the scenic route takes me on a drive past the lake I never saw.  Before, I felt myself to be alone- my mother is not one to speak frankly with, and as an only child mostly growing-up friendships are few, but flourishing.  Now, I respect “No man is an island” though occasionally forgotten in ego-ick-feelings.

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Last week I had a ‘Go-See’ with L’Oreal.  A ‘Go-See’ is like an audition, except for models- so the clients can see how you look in person, and usually, how you walk (the runway, as a model).  In this case it was to evaluate hair to determine if I was an apt specimen to demonstrate a new hair gloss product to the people of L’Oreal flying into New York from around the globe for a week long convention to educate the company hairstylists about all the innovating products newly available.  Being an actress, this was my first ‘Go-See’, and while auditions tend to make me uptight and nervous, I figured this was no pressure on me, as it had nothing to do with my performance, and was only about the hair.

Still, wanting to do my best, I researched modeling and tips for the ‘Go-See’.  I read the importance of wearing light make-up, having a nice neutral manicure, and clean hair.  My hair is something I have been complimented on almost daily since I was a child.  I use to hate my frizzy hair and thought strangers were simply being sweet to me.  Only a couple years ago did I finally accept my hair IS beautiful and unknown people are generous with their kindness because they are genuine in their expression.  Living my whole life with long hair, I know my hair looks best with one day of grime built up: freshly shampooed = more frizz and less curls.  I wish I had listened to my better judgement, knowing my curls were specifics in which they were interested.

Back to the ‘Go-See’, I have never in my life seen so many very tall, very thin women gathered in one place at one time. To my calculations, they saw approximately 300 girls in that three hour time frame.  Fast forward, the event has passed and no call back did I receive.  All is well, because every event is part of a bigger picture, and when realizing this we can learn.  Regardless the reason for not being included in the showcase, I am reminded to listen to my own personal truth via experience.

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I am myself and no one else

I play the cards-fate’s deltas

Together, now we play this game

You and I “what is in a name?”

Unlike you; I win! You lose.

Not comprehending my recent rouse

You yell and scream..

Left in your dream.

Permitted your reality;

Allow me mine and let me be.

I know you’ll do what’s good for you.

Be sure I’ll do the best for me.

My reason lies within..

Relies on me and where I’ve been

As well as what my future holds

Which by no psychic can be told

You believe you could control me

How naive would I have to be?

Intelligent manipulation

One fallacy of our great nation

Oxy-MORON

Died in the wool

Wake-up beautiful

My brain does function, while

You con-nect dis/junctions

Do not maintain your refrain

Please, challenge your own brain

Freedom relished- understood,

Able to do all I wished I could.

Happiness- adulthood-

Anticipation of what I should

Do for Me and not for you.

Not bound by your sad missed venue,

I impart upon My journey

Of Life and World and all Beauty.

Discover, Learn and be myself

create and fill my own bookshelf

With what is mine, my mind inside

Though not haystly rushed before I

Careful, Cautious- True-

For Me, -not for you?

Individual- I stand

Holding humanities soft touch hand.

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