Archives for posts with tag: pure

Ooops “little more red” = Much Darker

W.ARNING A.BSTRACT T.ANGENT:  I love seeing.  I Love laughing.  I love hearing, most especially when it precedes laughter.  I love smiling in appreciation of all this and so very much more. Today, last night, this morning, with my car, I worked shooting as an extra on a pilot (a T.V. program produced as a prototype of a series being considered for adoption, to be ‘picked-up’, by a network) “Blanco”.

The call-time, the time production schedules an actor or crew member to arrive at the location, was 11 P.M. last night.  Somehow, I had never before crossed the Williamsburg Bridge.  Wow.  Simply Wow; I wish anyone else was driving so I might have snapped multiple blurry photos that would never compare to a professional stationary photographers perfect angle.  Wow.  I would love to live there on the Williamsburg Bridge for that view, or at the least be happily stuck in traffic and be blessed with a clear picture.

I tried to find a photo to include here (admittedly putting the perfect words into Blackle.com – an energy saving version of Google by Google– is not my forte), alas they just were not the truly amazingly breathtaking beauty witnessed nigh midnight driving over that Bridge.  Many photographers have the bridge in the photo… this one time I was not in awe of the incredible structure supporting the tires, instead gawking in awe at the depth and curvature of the shoreline with L!ghts abounding… my life’s ambition is to have a place to see that at night.  Wow.  If only I could see the sunrise from the same space… might require the purchase of multiple apartments, but if you dream it —> then you can smile doing it. Sometimes being a ‘background performer’ can be delightful, even in 20˚ exterior shots walking around in the snow; making three new friends; seeing familiar ones like P.A. Lincoln Major from “Boardwalk Empire”.  The car sat on the side of the street alleviating the random owner from moving an actual car parked there in the middle of a scene or a take, which would ruin continuity and the shot, thus upsetting productivity and wasting time, and thus money.

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Many local librarians know me on a first name basis. Katrina Perkins Admittedly, I currently have as many books checked out as I have years to this Life’s experience.  Times past I would visit the “discount chain” store and impulsively purchase items.  These days, an impulse strikes me to learn about a subject (finance, speak French, meditate) or a specific book comes on my radar (a book club, movie soon-to-be/in production based on a book, or referenced in yet another book) and immediately I logon, sign-in, search the on-line directory and submit a request for pick-up at my nearby repository.  The New York library system is unrivaled, and gratitude saturates my existence to reside in a world wealthy in easy accessing of books, movies, and music.

Last year was particularly strengthening, in parts because within six months I divorced from a relationship spanning half my life and my Dad died.  Listening to CDs of chanting monks, Ayurvedic Sutras, and spiritual teachings checked out from the library became my salvation.  Calmed, perked, and inspired- I was reminded Life gives no more than can be consumed and to surrender to this blessing.  There was a moment, I believed I may very well be on the brink of  insanity- feeling so much ripped from my gut- in a state of not knowing anything, including how to sleep alone in a strange space alone.  I felt completely crumbled, and yet, still, undeniably uplifted.  When, acquiescing to the truth that only sane people have the where-with-all to contemplate such an inquiry as lucidity, a hope and appreciation for what I was previously blind to created a bravery I had not known to be possessed.

Many beautiful, fulfilling, inspired relationships and opportunities have come into Life.  Allowing myself to become open to them, thankful for each “wrong turn” fore the scenic route takes me on a drive past the lake I never saw.  Before, I felt myself to be alone- my mother is not one to speak frankly with, and as an only child mostly growing-up friendships are few, but flourishing.  Now, I respect “No man is an island” though occasionally forgotten in ego-ick-feelings.

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I am myself and no one else

I play the cards-fate’s deltas

Together, now we play this game

You and I “what is in a name?”

Unlike you; I win! You lose.

Not comprehending my recent rouse

You yell and scream..

Left in your dream.

Permitted your reality;

Allow me mine and let me be.

I know you’ll do what’s good for you.

Be sure I’ll do the best for me.

My reason lies within..

Relies on me and where I’ve been

As well as what my future holds

Which by no psychic can be told

You believe you could control me

How naive would I have to be?

Intelligent manipulation

One fallacy of our great nation

Oxy-MORON

Died in the wool

Wake-up beautiful

My brain does function, while

You con-nect dis/junctions

Do not maintain your refrain

Please, challenge your own brain

Freedom relished- understood,

Able to do all I wished I could.

Happiness- adulthood-

Anticipation of what I should

Do for Me and not for you.

Not bound by your sad missed venue,

I impart upon My journey

Of Life and World and all Beauty.

Discover, Learn and be myself

create and fill my own bookshelf

With what is mine, my mind inside

Though not haystly rushed before I

Careful, Cautious- True-

For Me, -not for you?

Individual- I stand

Holding humanities soft touch hand.

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There’s a place that no one knows

Sometimes most I love to go

Always here I’m all alone

Near to me and close to home

The space is small and warmth resides

No fear exists; no truth to hide

I’m loud and free, out of my mind

More paths must be I want to find

Searching- there, is happiness

Landing- comfort, I confess

Always, you expect to be.

Changing is reality

Know final words, of what,? to say

My feelings here have gone astray

Growing them from sad and glum

Smiling now I laugh and hummm

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Born.

wearing only one face.

a face,

of innocence,

for only a short amount of time.

A breath.

the first of many.

the breath that begins a journey,

the journey of life hath been born,

as another, has come to an end.

the age of innocence, now dead.

when life has departed,

to return from whence it came,

Innocence will then return,

though it should have never left.

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“And all the men and women merely players” – ah Shakespeare.  Some people “act”…. some watch…. some PLAY!  We all play as children, at some point we loose the value of becoming lost in our imaginations. The power of envisioning possibilities.  I swear, one afternoon I practiced a day-dream as an emotional exercise for a scene, and that night it materialized into an actual event in the stairwell and on the rooftop of the acting school.  Oh….and that was a BIG, passionate O, I-talians and their surprises!

An emotional day-dream, as an actor, is a workout for the emotional muscles, so to speak, and the muscles of the imagination- to stretch and strengthen depth and availability for when access is depended upon instantaneously in the moment of a scene.  You’ve heard of marvelous actors such as Daniel Day-Lewis who stay in character throughout the entire filming process, although this method may be mocked by some actors, when you are already IN a state of truth for the imaginary it IS easier to delve deeper and go farther- just as when you work out regularly- strength and endurance are gained.  Take a look at some of Mr. Day-Lewis’s roles and tell me his characters are a shining example of INtensity!  The same is true for emotions and imagination. One may intuit the need for a conscious care and consideration to both areas of what EXACTLY you are strengthening- is it what you truly want, or are you empowering anxiety?

Opening night was recently upon me for a fun four-character thriller I had been rehearsing.  Waiting to enter from backstage, forgotten was fear for the fact I was about to be standing in front of an audience literally in my bra and panties, rather, I dwelled in pure excitement to live TRUTHFULLY in circumstances imaginary to my life- and the passion for PLAY!  Life consists of the moments we endure, the future we hope, and dedication we either put toward or put off to truly achieve our dreams.  Either way Time will pass and we are either disappointed by our stagnancy or  smiley with our progress.